Love Hung on a Cross

"He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.

Men clad in soldier's garb sat on the ground near the trio...

Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill...faces tear-streaked.

All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.

'It must be done...' he said, and withdrew.

The angel spoke again. 'It would be less painful...'

The Creator interrupted softly. 'But it wouldn't be love.'"


-In the Eye of the Storm, Max Lucado.

Change...

I don't mean to sound like a defeated dolly...


but change is hard...

there are so many up-in-the-air questions right now in my life...


like a lame limbo era...


and I hate limbo...

I remember limbo like it was yesterday...with marriage around the corner..but no hubby ...graduation around the corner..but no diploma yet...limbo is lame....

Question one: Where is my career going? Should I look into progressing my current career? or Do I find something else I am passionate about? I am young and educated..and motivated...I could do anything! Now what do I do? and in this economy...

I have yet to blog about it...but in March, I started a part time job tutoring highschool kids in biology, chemistry and math. And I LOVE it. Yep, you read right...I am currently working 1.5 jobs. And yes, one full time job is plenty...holy crud, working is worlds apart from college...it'll wear you out...

...but, before you judge..and think I am crazy... my mindset before I started looking for a part time job was: I have little to no responsibility in the context of kids/house/etc., and I am already the bread winner right now..why not be the SUPER bread winner...

plus...if I am going to be the SUPER mom/wife I want to be ..I want to build my stamina..haha and who doesn't love emparting wisdom (spiritual or intellectual) to youth AND... a little extra cash doesn't hurt.

Tutoring has unexpectedly reintroduced my passion for teaching...In my first year of college, I signed up for a program that allowed you to take a few extra classes along with my biology degree and come out with a teaching certification by my senior year. I stopped this program, however, after a year because I was sure I was going into medical/PA school. I didn't need any extra classes...especially pointless ones...

Well...then I met my husband.



Not that all dreams have to stop when you meet your husband...I mean thats not optimal...



But my career path changed when I got married.



Our lives became one...



Suddenly, it became obvious that it was extremely unwise to go to a VERY expensive school..to invest in a career that would GREATLY compete with my current desire to be an amazing wife and mother...



I wholeheartedly DID NOT want to incur any debt on my family that was not DEFINITELY going to be made back in due time...



I DID NOT want to add any unnecessary financial stress on our family because I was "entitled" to my dream career.

How is that being a "wife of noble character"? How is that "bringing my family good not harm"?



Truth is...Hunter will be our bread winner for the family..not me. That doesn't mean I should NEVER make money for our family..in fact I should try and use all my creativity to bless Hunter with a supporting income...but after he gets his degree...the torch will be passed..and it will be passed with a HUGE smile.

Even if I was to practice medicine after I graduated from a 3 year PA school...I would be ITCHING to have kids eventually...



I know there are plenty of moms who can have kids and a full time job...but I can't.



I seriously would rather be doing NOTHING else than being home...even as much as I love medicine...hospitals...doctors...pagers...whitecoats...blackberrys..and cubicles...

I remember when my mom told me she missed some of my "firsts" because I was in day care when I did them....and she was a full-time worker (she was of course single and did not even have a choice to stay home)



The legit sadness in her eyes because she could not be there with me was overbearing...I still to this day have to remind her that it is OK that she missed a lot of my childhood...


With every opportunity in my life..if I am a student..I want to be a wonderful wholehearted student..If I am going to be a bread winner..I want to go above and beyond...if I am going to be a mom...I want to be a FULL time mom!!I would never want to spread myself out with a full time career and a full time family...SICK!



I know I know..there is always the choice of doing part time...but why would I pay all that money to go to school, just to work part time...when my position as full time mom is FREE! No debt!



OK..tangent..

The point was..I am loving teaching....



One of my students got a hundred on her quiz in class the next day after one of our sessions!! She was so excited!...Honestly, I was more excited. I wanted to hug her and jump around the room screaming! She had no idea what she was doing before she came to see me...and then BAM..she understood and killed the quiz.



So do I teach?..this is a career that I can stop and start whenever I want...it doesn't cost 100K...and I'll be able to utilize my experiences teaching when/if I decide to homeschool...which I am truly considering (not because I am scared of public school...bring on the wierdos...but its because I want to be 150% involved in my childrens education. Helping with their homework and teacher-parent conferences are not enough)...



It's an option...



Another option ...is moving up in the cancer research career path...



MDACC is a WONDERFUL place to work as far as the institution goes...



I get to work across the street from Hunter...I love being in the medical field...and cancer research is SO meaningful...and thank God...it is paying the bills still...



Question two: Do we take advantage of a plummeting housing market or not? Do we continue to throw rent money away every month to live in 800 sq feet...or do we invest in a cheap house that will give us a crazy return?

Do you know how much money it takes to live 3 seconds away from the medical center...it is expensive.



Luckily we have found great deals on apartments..but still..the cost of living is nuts...



Question three: Do I look dumb in glasses?

Well, too bad...because I have to wear them...for like ever

Not even joking...I have been diagnosed with chronic conjunctivitis...

In other words...as a poor college student..I did not take care of my contacts..and my eyes tried to fight off an infection that was my contact...and under a microscope they look gross...

So, no contacts for me for a long time...and now I am glasses-bound...

SEE all these changeeeess!

Too much for me...I like consistency..I like routine and predictability..with some spunk.. don't get me wrong..I don't like boring...just normalness...

Well..this is only the beginning...Way more to come...

Remember that time...

Remember that time....

that time that I have not blogged about anything pertaining to my life...

the life that is flippin full of crazy awesome moments that I need to log into my blog...

well get ready there partner..

here we go.

2 words.

Lance

Berkman.

Do you know him?

He plays for the Houston Astros. (baseball). He is very very open about his love for Jesus.

He's fantastic. Even when he makes fun of Aggies 5,000 times in 15 minutes.

He's very funny. One time, an opposing team threw twinkies on the field at him because they think is fat....and he picked one up and ate it.

He makes me laugh.

Well, we had dinner together....me and Lance.

OK, we may have been about 50 feet apart, but we had dinner together.

Don't judge me. It was in the same room....so therefore...it was together.


This is him...eyeing me across the room. I waved...he waved back. Or maybe he was itching his forehead. Either way...we had dinner together.



This is me in front of his name tag.
Best night ever.

The real story for all you lack of imaginationers....Hunter's grandma and her boyfriend (yes, boyfriend) kindly asked us to join them for the annual Baseball Sports Writers Dinner.

We dropped everything to go. Lance got the team MVP award for the 5th time and he made a speech.

Worth every minute.

I interacted with him while he was speaking. Laughed at jokes about the Aggies that maybe offended me...who cares...he can joke...we sucked it up at football. if it was anyone else I may have tried to defend my alma mater..but not with Lance. I sighed when he recapped this past year...and reflected upon outstanding plays and future goals when he asked it of me.

We had a great dinner.


P.S. Hunter is aware of my slight obsession and is prepared for the worst when I actually do get to meet Lance.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now...more updating.

I have done some decorating and some bargain furniture shopping

I told you that we got a couch off craigslist....

75 BUCKS!

I basically feel as though we stole this from the people selling it. Don't tell them...but they could have gotten way more money for it if they just asked.

It's comfortable...it's beautiful...it fits perfectly...and makes me feel good about myself.

No judging...again.

I love saving money. I love finding a good deal. It really invigorates me. It makes me feel like a good business woman....and it makes my husband happy too.

I mean 75 bucks...come on! It was all a matter of circumstance...the couple was 9 months preggers with new furniture coming early the next week.

Thanks Jesus.

Oh yeah, and I also painted those panels above the couch.

Do like 'em? I'm picky so I am not ready to commit for life...but they will do for now...

I love painting..I want a painting room. I could do it alllll day. If I am not careful, I will.

Some other projects are:

Recovering our dining room chairs...this crazy fabric pattern!! I love it!

Like, words cannot express how much I love this pattern...and how spunktastic our chairs look right now...but I am super happy with the result.

Especially when I found dishes to match.

The etching on the outside of the dish and cup handle match the sophisticated victorian swirly pattern of the fabric. Makes my heart flutter.

I actually stopped decorating our apartment.

I ran out of room.

Hunter is happy about our checkbook...and I am sad about my halted hobby.

So, that leads me to my next update.

We are looking at some apartments to move to after our lease is up. haha.

I call it being "good stewards" of our money...because I think we could get more space for the same price we pay...but in all reality I do kinda just want more space to spread my wings...and to decorate the crud out of.

There is an apartment complex that is just for UT students/faculty and MD Anderson employees....and so we are looking into it. It would give us a ton more space for the same price.

I've also looked at some Duplex,Triplex, and Quadplexes in the Third Ward..

Do you know where that is?

Like it is the definition of crime.

We'll see what happens.

I have more to update but no one's attention span is this long. :)

Love love love.

Oh, Men....

So, we are definitely watching the Academy Awards at the moment...and I'm sorry...but I have been bawling from the moment Penelope won the first award..and thanked everyone in Spanglish...ugh I am such a sucker for speeches.

Does anyone else cry?...like I have tears all down the front of my shirt...its embarrassing really...

I really wish I could blame it on hormones..or pregnancy....but alas...its just girly mushy emotions..awesome.

My purpose for this blog: I have proof that men know nothing about movie awards...nothing.

Hunter and I were discussing how 'Slumdog Millionairre' is sweeping every category...and we were mentioning how we need to see it and also 'The Reader'...

and then he says something that made me laugh hysterically...over emotion or not...it was blog worthy.

He says, " We need to compile a list of all these Grammy movies and watch them"...

Grammy movies!!! that would be like if I said we need to compile a list of all those Golden Globe songs and make a CD of them...

Oh, men...

Hunter's Post: They just don't make 'em like they used to...

They just don't make 'em like they used to.... Either I'm getting old, old-fashioned or both. Probably both.

What am I talking about? Blue Jeans.

Yeah, I know. Whats the fuss, anyway? Over the past few years, I've noticed a trend developing in men's blue jeans: they are starting to look and fit like girl jeans.

I remember a few years ago trying to find some. I took a nice looking pair to the dressing room, attempted to slip them on and WAM! dead stop. Whats the matter with these jeans?, I wondered. I thought the crotch (aka inseam) had shrunk. They wouldn't go up any further! I knew... these definitely don't fit right. I felt claustrophobic... ya know... down there. And believe me (to all you eye-rollers) I'm not making any boasts about my inseam.

Well, a few years later, same situation. I attempted to find some new jeans last night with Ashleigh and I kid you not... every pair I tried on left me feeling claustrophobic and uncomfy. Whats the matter with people these days? Doesn't anyone like putting stuff in their pockets anymore? Am I alone in my desire to not hurt while sitting?

Needless to say, we left the store without a new pair of jeans. I'm not casting judgement on other guys who wish to be inseam-claustrophobic, but as for me and my inseam - I demand pants that fit. I will find the last surviving pair from the 'golden years' of jeans and pay whatever price is necessary to feel comfortable in my pants.

-Hunter

Adopted by God

The Spirit himself bears witness with our Spirit that we are children of God.

Romans 8:16 NASB

When we come to Christ, God not only forgives us, he also adopts us. Through a dramatic series of events, we go from condemned orphans with no hope to adopted children with no fear. Here is how it happens. You come before the judgement seat of God full of rebellion and mistakes. Because of his justice he cannot dismiss your sin, but because if his love he cannot dismiss you. So, in an act which stunned the heavens, he punished himself on the cross for your sins. God's justice and love are equally honored. And you, God's creation, are forgiven. But the story doesn't end with God's forgiveness...

It would be enough if God just cleansed your name, but he does more. He gives you HIS name.

Max Lucado

Weekend in a Treehouse (Part 2)

Yes...we DID come back from vacation...although it was beyond tempting to stay...forever.

It was all that I had hoped for...

It was all that we NEEDED.

We switched back and forth between calling it our 2H.M. and our 8M.E.

2HM= Second Honeymoon

8ME= Eighth Month Evaluation

Evaluation of course meaning on our marriage

It was soo nice just to sit and ask each other tons of questions pertaining to this VERY important entity...

like: What am I doing well at? What do I suck at? (be gentle) Overall, are you happy? Has marriage been easier or harder than you expected? What do you wish I would do more of? What area of my life do you wish I was more vulnerable with you? When can we have kids? (ok that one was from left field and obviously I asked that one...)...etc.

We didn't like write any questions down or pick up a cheesy marriage book at B&N on our way...

We just made time to sit ...look at each other...and stir up some conversation to evaluate/improve our beloved unity.

I knew we needed some time away from the city..but I didn't realize how much we maybe simply needed a thought provoking convo...sometimes its hard to sit still enough to think about the good and the bad...sometimes the bad gets swept under the living room rug while we deal with the hustle and bustle of life...and honestly...dirt under a rug is disgusting....just cause you can't see it...doesn't mean it isn't filth!..and I'm not even a germaphobe...

So the results of this fabulous 8M.E...are: we are very encouraged with this little...who am I kidding...HUGE blessing we call 'marriage' and we decided to keep going...haha for all those who were at the edge of your seats..

Honestly, sometimes when older married couples ask me how Hunter and I are liking marriage..I always feel like their faces are ready for us to say "It's awful!"..or when our answer is not negative at all..their faces change to "Just wait"...that's just not right!! Are our views of marriage and our expectations so distorted??

I am 100% sure that it will not be peachy fuzzy warm and sweet for the next 50+ years...meaning...we will probably go through LIFE...the ups and downs...births...deaths..financial tension...who knows..maybe some spiritual tension...but for some reason..our first 8 months have been shockingly easier than we expected and flippin FUN!

That boy cracks me up...

Ok quick story...

We have kinda a tradition started that on Mondays...we go get a doughnut at Shipleys (YES! the one we go to is open til like 9pm!) and then we go to Starbucks to read...and check up on Carl (a middle age follower of Christ who works up at Starbucks and struck up a convo with me after seeing me read the Bible..)

So tonight I wasn't feelin like leaving the house (we got a new couch! I will post all bout it!)...so the novelty of the couch is still fresh and I wanted to stay here and sit on it and blog :).. So I told Hunter, when he inevitably asked if I wanted to go get a doughnut...that I wasn't feelin it...but that he was free to go by himself ..and he ..paused for just a second...(I literally saw a light bulb go off in his brain) and he, with all the 3yr old he had mustered up inside, said... "Does that mean I can have two doughnuts??!"

How flippin cute...