Last stop before Pleasantville.

Crap.

I know I am not making your day any more pleasant with this one...but just bare with me.

I want to take this opportunity as a blogger with freedom to unleash some thoughts on a topic very dear to me…

The following is not meant to offend anyone, especially my beloved family and if you find that you disagree with my thoughts…GREAT! Let’s enlighten one another. Coffee…my treat.

So let us jump in…

adoption.

One fact about myself…is that I am, indeed, adopted. This adoption, however, was a very rare and unique one that fortunately led me to be raised in the same family that I was born into. My birth mom bravely chose to have her sister raise me as a daughter in place of herself.

This may seem negligible…as in..ok? so what’s the diff….you have the same aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents…you’re good to go.

Well yes, but my upbringing was DEFINITELY different …and far from “normal”…

Yes, I am BLESSED to have the same wonderful family and to not have the weird reality of trans-family relationships that several adopted children have to deal with…if they have an open adoption.

But the reality is… I was one decision away from being aborted.

Whoa..right? …I think I just got a hot flash.

No…no one has ever told me that this was a very real option 22 yrs ago. I don’t really think it’s healthy to dwell on that…so I won’t and never have. However, it’s reality. I am all about being hardcore deep and dirty real. Adoption and abortion are directly related. And I was one selfish decision away from being aborted.

My logic?... It was already decided that my very humble birth mom did not deem her present situation a healthy one to raise a child. Whether it was her economic situation, her age, a stable father…she came to the decision that all women must face when they become pregnant out of wedlock: ’Can I raise this baby?’.

She decided that she couldn’t. Praise the Lord for Humility! We need more...However, instead of erasing the child…she invested in finding a situation that WAS healthy.

HOW HUGE.

Once you come to the question: ‘Can I raise this baby?’…what if you come to the answer ‘No’?

Well in America…we have options…you can either get an abortion…which means removal or expulsion of an embryo or fetus before it can reach a full term pregnancy…. (I say the definition not because I think anyone reading this is dumb…I just want to be real.)

…or you can give it up for another person to raise.

So, abort or adopt…

Why do we have options? Why are there so many things under our current legislation that we have no choice over…but for this we have an option. Because it’s “our” baby? Ok? But the money I make at my job is “my” money…but why does the government claim a percent of it? The car I drive is “my” car, but I do not get the option to not wear a seatbelt when I drive it…the government makes that decision for me…and of course of course…this law is in place to perhaps save my life!...but whose decision is it to say that my life …now a 22 yrs old maturation of cells is more valuable than it was when I was only a few months post conception.

It’s not even about when does life begin…it’s about the POTENTIAL life that is to be had…

I am here…I am living..I am in love with the most wonderful man I have ever met…I feel things…I have hurt people and I have helped people. Therefore, I have always had the potential for life…from the second cell biology did it’s thing…there was always a potential for life…because I have it!

That is why I think abortion is the termination of life. And it is very real to me.

What is also real…is the future legislation that will be passed in the next four years.

Several people are justifying their hunger for change by saying that their favorite candidate is “not for abortion”…he just doesn’t see how he can restrict a woman’s right to choose. Therefore, he voted against banning partial-birth abortion and trusts women to make own decisions on partial-birth abortion. (This is directly off www.ontheissues.org)

However, in Texas:

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.

Urinating on the streets is illegal.

Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.

In Mesquite, TX, it is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.

In Minnesota:

It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there.

Red cars may not drive down Lake Street.

It is illegal to sleep naked.

It just doesn’t sit well with me that the government can tell us what to do and what not to do with our money, our behavior, our cars, our bodily functions, our hair…but doesn’t feel right about telling us not to terminate our pregnancies?

I may not be smitten with either candidate…nor how the state of our country is right now…but I won’t settle on an issue that could have meant I wasn’t brought to full term life.

Unrest: Socially, Politically, Everywherely

This past week has been nuts. Seriously, from the second I left our church small group on Tuesday...I have just been royally smacked in the face.

Not only the smacking...but I am so exhausted over the constant politcalness of America right now. I can't get away from it. Can you? Give me tips. It's on everyones lips, in their yard, on every T.V. in the waiting room at MD Anderson, all over any website, all over peoples facebook profiles...I can't escape it.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to belittle the fact that our nation will be lead by a new entourage in two weeks...this is huge. But it's too much nonsensical information that I don't need to decide that both nominees are at the same time capable and scary. both.

Hunter and I want to move to Canada...we made plans.

So, ok...more on the smacking...

I came home Friday EXHAUSTED...not because of lack of sleep...I get PLENTY of sleep...but simply because of an emotion toll. Just one very large toll that drives me nuts. I wish you could wallow in my toll with me...oh how I want to wallow in the stupid tolliness of this freaking dumb toll...but I can't yet.

Ok, then to add a little kick...I got hardcore food poisoning last night. Hunter and I cooked some mussels...which we have done several times in the past...and I was up till 1 AM introducing them back into the world with two wonderfully opposite routes of transport. Don't you just love options. I woke up a dehydrated mess and Hunter had to use his PT skills to get me out of bed.

I promise I love being positive. I adore the good side of things...the brighter side of live. I am Mrs. Brightside really...

So on the brightside, I think the awesome weather is helping to soothe at least part of my soul... so maybe I am getting my filter back. I haven't felt the need to yell at anyone...

..OK except maybe that kid on the commercial that drops a HUGE meat ball in his moms spaghetti and gets sauce ALL over the kitchen...I kinda wanted to yell at him a little..

It's going to be OK, right?

OOO! So a good thing that happend!! I got one!

So, Hunter had to go out of town on Friday for a church Men's Retreat andpicked me up after work. I immediately dropped him off where he needed to go before then going home. He told me he had a surprise waiting for me when I get home. LOVE that.

I walk in the house and in the bathroom is a note that says..."I love you, Angel. Please relax and take a bubblebath.-Hunter"

I look at our amazingly awesome huge tub and see candles all around it...a lighter...and towel hanging up and a bottle of bubble stuff... He knows me too well. OK OK...I know..all the sympathy you ever had up til now is like completely gone. :)

Even if everything is feeling out of sorts or unrestful...First and foremost, the Lord is faithful ...and of course, Hunter is pretty fantastic.

On another note...

Update time.

So, I still love my job....as in my job description. Other factors related to my job are very stressful at the moment which I will definitely go into in the future. So due to this very intense emotional toll on me at work...I am finding that my filter is attempting to utterly disappear.

Example one: So Hunter and I ride the metrorail every morning together. I love it. We get to work/school without having to be stressed about awful med center traffic. We actually get to "spend time" together in the morning (and probably gross a lot of people out with our newlywed interactions with each other). Anyways, this morning on the rail I we are sitting down in two seats right next to the doors and at one of the stops, a woman in her late 20s walked in and stood right next to us. I noticed her the very second she walked in because of her EXTREME non-modesty in the bust area. She had on jeans and a tank top and was WELL endowed in the aforementioned area. I mean c'mon I have seen plenty of non-modesty (is that how you even say it?...ill-modesty...amodesty...?) but this was CRAZY. Like she might as well have been topless, there was no difference. NONE.

So my lack of filter part....I almost yelled at her. Right in the middle of the train. HA that would have woke everyone up at 7:30 in the morning. I really almost did. Was she joking!? My husband is sitting right next to me....other womens husbands are sitting and standing all over the metrorail....WHY! did she feel the need to wear that. I wanted to yell on behalf of every wife out there, " Hi Miss!... because you are very comfortable wearing VERY LITTLE...and men are wired to enjoy the body of a woman very much. You are making it VERY hard for them to be faithful to their wives...ARE YOU CRAZY!"


Praise the Lord...He completely covered Hunters eyes..with a messed up contact...I noticed Hunter fixing it as she walked by...

I asked Hunter when we got home tonight if he noticed her honestly..and he said honestly no...he didn't see her pass him.

Now looking back..I don't want to yell but I just wished she knew...someone tell her if you see her...

There are other examples of my lid about to FLY off in the past few days. Those will come soon.

Hunter and I are very close to claiming a church as our home. We are pumped. He is finishing his first round of tests and is doing very well. I really want to post some pictures of our wedding SOMEWHERE anywhere. So maybe those will show up one day soon. And work is hard right now. Not my job...just the environment my job falls in.

More to come...we love you all.

Wonderful Memories, Mixed Emotions

I can't stop thinking about my baby boy. I just can't get his precious face and innocent voice out of my head. That shirt he's wearing...probably his only one. It's filthy...can you tell?

I wish I could give him better. Not pay someone to do it for me. ME! Me...going to him and bringing him back and giving him everything I have. I think Hunter is thankful we don't have the money to go to back right now, because he knows I would come home a mother.

As for now, praying for him is all I can do. Lord, be real to this baby boy. He needs you.

For anyone whose like...who is the kid and why are you so emotional?..He is my Enule (Eh-nool-eh) and I met him two years ago. He was in my group of boys... when I went to Zambia for a month to hang out with AIDS orphans... and to show them they are worth time, love, care, tears, hugs...eternal life. It pains me to even think of what he has to live with every day. He was one of the VERY rare children who has both parents. Thank you, Lord.

There are so many awful things that happen over there...UNHEARD of things that would shock the crap out of you... And when I think about him...I always cry. ALWAYS. Not always in sadness, sometimes just because I am so happy I got to hug him and spend time with him. I just miss it.

OK more positive happy things...I'll tell you the story of this picture.

So, this was the day that all the kids (3-18 yrs of age) at the camp were getting a NEW shirt, a NEW bandana, and a NEW pair of shoes! You have no idea how huge this is. I mean these kids are ECSTATIC. It's like if American kids all got a 4 puppies, an ipod/iphone/ixboxplaystationnintendogameboy, and a years supply of icecream!

It's that big.

Enule...and all my boys for that matter..were so genuinely excited. I mean ...there were the occasional groups that would have some kids that would say they didn't like their new shoes and wanted another pair...but hey newsflash (there is sin in the world)..

My boys were about to pee there pants waiting their turn. When they came into the big meeting room...Enule ran straight up to me and hugged me so hard and just had these huge wide eyes like..."Really?" "You promise?" "Shoes! and a shirt!" "Please be serious!" He didn't stop smiling the whole day. He was so proud.

You know when you wear an oufit...a new outfit...that you just love. You feel so comfortable in ..and you just know that its awesome...you are just so excited about the day because of your new outfit...you want to go everywhere and just strut your awesome outfit..that was him.

I miss him.

Critical Analysis of Ike (Part Two)

Sorry...its been like a week. And of course, it is because we FINALLY GOT POWER. (Or as a lot of people in the downtown Houston area call it..."We got lights!" ..that cracks me up.. All around me I heard people say... "You got lights?" "I don't got any lights!"..

Anyways...So I left off with my incredible idea to get us a working fan so I could catch some Z's.

We took a 50 foot extension cord and two 20 feet extension cords (thats all they had at Walmart)...plugged in our oscillating fan and ran it all the way across the parking lot/street to the apartment building that actually had power! Boo ya..yes. WONDERFUL. That is the ONLY way we survived Ike.

At some point during our 17 days without power, Hunter and I both lost our patience with CP....(CenterPoint). They were notified of our situation an average of 3 times a day. Each evening, we came home... flipped on a light switch...sighed...called CP...put our purses/backpacks down...and left to go eat/live out the rest of our night at Barnes and Noble.

OK. The positive side? Hunter and I got to invest in each other more. I found I like conversations more than TV. I finished 3 books and found another at B&N. We found a few restaurants that we really like. We got to watch the Astros a few times when we were out. We got to go to Katy and spend time with family and Baggie precious face.



We got to pray about our church home more. AND, I got paid for 3 days that I wasn't even there...(YES! SALARIES ROCK)

..I could go on...And I do think that the Lord showed me a neat thing as well.

During the lack of power state...I couldn't help but notice that our lives felt at a halt. Like everything I thought of during the day, that would be considered progression...was ended in my mind with the thought "Oh, I'll do that when we have power"...

Many days on the rail, Hunter and I would play the 'When we have power' game ...where I would say "Fill in the blank...When we have power, __________." Everything felt stopped. Nothing was progressing...no hint of productivity...in fact just the opposite.

The house was getting messier...and clothes dirtier...the air more stale...the fridge more smelly ...and the showers colder (ok that has nothing to do with productivity..it just sucked).

The point...I feel like that is a TOTAL depiction of our life without the Lord! What are we doing without Him! Where are we being productive? How are we progressing our lives? We're not! We just get more disorganized and confused. More chaos arrives. Sin...guilt...condemnation are knocking at your door with muffins and a pumpkin spice latte. Mmm..But with the Lord? Redemption... enrichment... depth...

Of course, our lives clinging to the Lord does not make circumstances peachy perfect...BUT it does heal our heart.

Seeking the Lord daily provides us with growth...progress (eventually)..and spiritual productivity. All of which are good things.

"I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.' " -Psalm 16:2