Camp Gaulke

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I'm a grown up now..dangit.

I made a big girl decision this past week.

As much as I wish I still this little, I'm so not.

Let me recap.

I have a major life decision going on right now: Where am I headed in my career and/or do I want to change careers?

Option one: staying at MD Anderson and being promoted within the institution doing research related jobs

Option two: change paths completely and start teaching high school science (preferably biology or chemistry)

For a few months now, I have been pursuing both endeavors wholeheartedly so that any burnt bridges were not my doing... but the Lords doing...

I am enrolling in an alternative certification program this summer, to be ready to teach by THIS FALL. what? that shouldn't be legal. But it is...and I am already preparing for this crazy opportunity...

I also applied for a promotion position at MD Anderson.. I would still be under a research grant (safe in this economy) and I would be working directly under a prestigious doctor in neuro-oncology (brain cancer) research. Needless to say...huge deal. I would be getting up to a 15% raise if I was chosen for this position...not to mention the endless professional connections in a medical area of interest for Hunter and I (brain and spine issues are an area of expertise that Hunter possibly wants to pursue).

This was a HUGE interview. I did not take it lightly at all. I took tedious and detailed notes because I knew that with the upfront perks, it would be hard to say no to this opportunity if it was given. (Perks are mischievous and they can trick you into choosing a job that you hate day to day)

Without going into too much unnecessary detail, I thought the interview was awful. I walked out of there feeling more unwelcome and socially cold than I have ever felt around living human beings in my life.

I have thought about this from all sides...I mean they could have been doing a scare or intimidation see how much stress I was capable of. I get that. But if your going to do the last 3-5 minutes of the interview...lighten up a tad, you know? Or just be warm and welcoming for 60 seconds. JUST 60 SECONDS. That would be enough for me! Just so I know that if I get the job, I am not going to work for unhelpful overcritical colleagues.


I get a call from HR...and I got the job...if I want it...

Great. Not only did the doctor like me, he wants to give me almost a full 15% raise...

My thoughts: ...wait ...did I read this guy wrong? He liked me? Is that how he shows people that he likes them? AM I MISSING SOMETHING?!

I tell H.R...I need time.

They have a day. 24 hours. go.


I then proceed and try to figure this out with my own wisdom. I weigh options...I do pros and cons....I talk Hunter's head off...even though he knew the answer all along...

See, the answer would be simpler if this was just a matter I take the promotion or not...
I would surely meet with that doctor again and do a round two interview...this time with me in control...and see how personable he can be.

But there was more...I am choosing between career paths! Do I take a job where I am in a lab...not around a whole lot of people...and the people I am around...are ..well..lab people. (just a different realm of social ability, but there's nothing wrong with that! it just may not be plausible for an extreme extrovert like me to work everyday with just as extreme introverts)..

Or do I take a job..that I don't have yet...and am not even qualified for YET!..but that will be working with people everyday..(more than I probably want to) ..that will kill me daily..but also bring me to life just when I think of giving up..and that I will love...and that I continually am encouraged that I will be good at...and have so much passion to do!

With an hour until I had to call HR, I pried my fingers off this decision and let it go to the One who is way more qualified to decide. I prayed for half an hour the middle of a work day...and for some reason, I felt like I was supposed to check my email...

I had just emailed my former biology teacher an hour earlier, so I thought it pertained to that. But no.

Just sent into my inbox was an email from a scholarship website I had joined in highschool...and the title was : "How to evaluate a job offer".

Oh yeah. Chills? I had them...

I read it with my mouth wide open. Heart pulsing. In complete gratitude to the Lord. Do you know that feeling? When you are smacked into humility. That was me....I was so thankful for that COMPLETELY UNDESERVED guidance. The email broke down every aspect of a job: salary, job duties, boss, colleagues, etc. Every elaboration on each section pointed to NO. I would be settling with this job. It was not for me. Someone would love to have this job...but I was talking myself into it...

So, I turned the job down.

I am not done pursuing teaching. If I don't get a teaching job this fall..or if teaching ends up not being that path for me...then I will apply for another promotion later...I am at least very encouraged by the HR department. They completely respected my decision and actually think I made the right one. PERFECT.

Now I just have to convince everyone else who looks at me crazy when I say I turned down a this economy ...

Like I said...I made a big girl decision ...but because of the graciousness of my sweet Lord, I am positive it was the right one.


abbyjoy said...

i'm proud of you ash. its encouraging to have friends who are seeking after the benefits of God's economy and not America's :). sometimes it means money, sometimes it doesn't, and its true joy when we're okay with either way. love you guys!

Danielle said...

yay yay yay...thats awesome! who cares about those ppl who think youre dumb for turning it down! i think THEYRE just kidding.

but seriously though, im so glad this is working out for you like it is. the Lord knows whats perfect for you - not HR, not USA, not DB... :p

anyway love you. love that youre getting clarity.